theres no hope.

everybody have secrets, and i love to keep secrets.
ppl always ask me bout my secret, but i wouldnt tell about it, till i die.
yes, im a closed person! i dont want ppl know bout "my real life."
i dont easy to trust ppl around me.
including: family, or best friends. fuck no.

i know, im 17. im a big girl.
but i cry a lot. i have many dissease.
my hand is bruished as fck.
i got blood test, anaesthetic, medicine shots.
and it make me insensible a day.
but maybe it is the way i can forget bout my past.
bout my beautiful memories.

give me time for that.
do not always ask bout my real life!
bcz i never do that to you.

now, i have three boys who ready to listen my story.
first, my boifriend.
second, is my friend from high school.
we have made friends during 3 years ago.
and he is my boyf bestfriend in first grade of highschool.
he always call me or come to my house, if he get a problem.
we talk a lot in the phone in several hours, and his mom angry with him.
but we always forget bout our problem.
bcz he makes me laugh, and me too.
and one again is my friend from other highschool.
we chat in Y!M, sent sms to each other evry midnight.
he always make me laugh with his "punkrock language".
hahahahhaha.

and yes, i dont know why.
i cant trust to tell my story to my girlfriend.
or whoever again.
they are ember as usual.
though i tell him/her dont tell my story to whoever again! or i'll angry.
but they do it!

and i know it is the reason for me to do not tell bout my story to wrong ppl!
it make you more sick then bfr!

im sorry!
please respect ppl's privacy dont dropping of it. key?
more thx. :]

may 20th 2k5

when i was 15, at grade 10 in higschool, i found someone who i love.
he said that he love me, since a month ago. and im taken with him.
he's nice and dropdead gorgeous. i think im so special! bcz many girl hates our relationship.
he's not like the other boys you know. he have responsibility.

now, even though he lives here i feel like we barely see each other.
i always miss him so much. yes, i know its hurts!

august 15th 2k7
yesterday, after we didnt meet and he never call for about 2weeks, he comes home at nine AM when im already sleeping and i get up and shower, he's still in my guest room and sleep. i kissed his cheek and said: "pagi! ko g kuliah?" and he said "cm lyat jadwal doank!" then he hugs me deeply. i feel so comfort.

at night, bfr i sleep, he sent me sms and said "cepet sembuh y chayank! syg g mw lyat chayank skt trus. pandu kangen, sayang n cinta bgt2 m egy!"

do u know? our relationship is very strong.
i dont care ppl talk shit about us.
i dont care bout who he is.

yep, i know he always make me hurts, if he didnt call me for a loooonnnngggg time.
but i know he always love me, miss me and need me.
bcz he always said if we meet.
and me too.

to my boyf:
i never felt like this bfr.
i dont know what it is.
i just can say that i love you more than anything in this world.
i love you more than juliete loves her romeo.
i always try to be what you need.
thank you for being my soul, till now.


yours. xoxo.